i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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