So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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