I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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