That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
