You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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