yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
