I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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