what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
