I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
