well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Boobs speak an international language.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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