i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
