Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
