I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
