I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
