haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
