Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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