Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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