my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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