there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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