the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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