Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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