I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I know her cup size but not her name....
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
