Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
