His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
