so let's talk penis.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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