She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
