I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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