Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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