piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
