I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
