So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
