shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
