just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
