decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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