Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
