You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
