Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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