Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
