i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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