I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i think my cat just said my name.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
