THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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