I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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