There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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