obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
