wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
