I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
