my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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