She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize