thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
