Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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