I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
