I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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