New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize