i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
should my penis look like a turkey
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
