1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
