he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
