You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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