so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
