my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
