I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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