I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize