i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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