her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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