the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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