I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
