I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
