my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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