I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
