it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize